The Laughing Gnome

I was walking down the high street When I heard footsteps behind me And there was a little old man (hello) In scarlet and gray, chuckling away Well he trotted back to my house And he sat beside the telly With his tiny hands on his tummy Chuckling away, laughing all day I ought to report you to the Gnome Office (Gnome Office) "Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee I'm a laughing gnome, and you can't catch me (whoo!) Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee I'm a laughing gnome, and you can't catch me" Said the laughing gnome Well, I gave him roasted toadstools And a glass of dandelion wine (pardon) Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne Carried his bag, and gave him a fag (Have you got a light, boy?) Hey, where do you come from? (Gnome-man's land) Oh, really? In the morning, when I woke up He was sitting on the edge of my bed With his brother, whose name was Fred He'd brought him along to sing me a song Alright, let's hear it Yeah, what's that clicking noise? That's Fred, he's a metro-gnome Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee I'm a laughing gnome, and you can't catch me (whoo!) Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee I'm a laughing gnome, and you can't catch me Oh now, I'm a gnome, anyway Haven't you got a gnome to go to? No, we are gnome-ads Didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school? You look like a rolling gnome Nah, not at the London School of Eco-gnome-ics Now they're staying up the chimney And we're living on caviar and honey (hurray!) 'Cause they're earning me lots of money Writing comedy prose for radio shows It's the uh, it's the gnome-service, of course Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee I'm a laughing gnome, and you can't catch me (Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee) oh, dear me I'm a laughing gnome, and you can't catch me (One more time, yeah) Ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee I'm a laughing gnome, and you can't catch me (whoo!) Ha-ha-ha